Conflicted Feelings
by sister-forever
Summary: My past is long gone. But now, it's back to haunt me again. Like a caged bird, all I can do is scream a silent scream that no one will ever hear. Misery, confinement, helplessness. Not all fairytale have a 'happily ever after'.
1. Prologue

_DISCLAIMER! I do not own KHR._

_Eight years ago_

"_Mom! Dad! What's the meaning of this?" I asked impatiently._

_My mom sniffed into a silk handkerchief. "I am really sorry, my dear… I really didn't want this to happen. It's just that… it's just that…" she said in between her sobs, her forehead was crumpled with worry and devastation._

_I looked intently at Mom, then at Dad, hoping that they would at least give me a reasonable explanation for their decision of sending me away, away to the other side of the world._

_My father adjusted the mini tiara on my head, and then patted it. "Lynn dear, I am sure you know that a major crisis had happened to the kingdom next to us…" he began. _

_Slowly, I nodded my head to show him that I remembered. "So?"_

_He sighed. "The king and the queen were murdered, along with one of their child, Prince Rasiel. The other twin, Prince Belphegor, has been reported missing ever since then." _

"_So? What does that has got to do with us?" I asked again, defiantly._

_Resting on one knee, he dropped his hand from my head to my shoulder. His amethyst eyes stared right into mine, I heard my mom sniffed even louder at the background._

"_Listen, Lynn. You are still young and you have a future ahead of you. I don't know if the murderer is lingering around here, or whether we are the next target for him –or her, for that matter. Please… Please run away, go to the other end of the world and live! Live for the sake of this kingdom!"_

_My eyes blurred. I don't understand. I don't know why I have to run away alone._

"_W-what about you? What about Mom?" _

_He shook his head sadly. Slowly. Patiently. "Lynn, you have to understand. We run this country. The people rely on us. What would happen to these people if we run away with you? However, you are different. You are young, you don't have this responsibility… yet. Maybe in the future, you will understand this. One day…"_

_Tears rolled down my cheeks. "But…" I rebutted. "But why can't you just use your powerful illusions? Aren't you the most powerful illusionist on Earth? We can just-"_

"_LYNN! Don't you dare bring this idea up!" He hissed angrily._

_I opened my mouth to argue, but I shut it again. Drooping my head, I lowered my gaze from his. "Y-yes, your Highness." Mumbling, I bit my lips, controlling myself from doing anything unwise. I took a step back and my father's hand slipped off my shoulder. Then, I took another, and another, and another, before running out of the door._

_Just as I left the room, a chancellor ran in._

"_Your majesty!" I heard him saying. "There is a….."_

_I did not bother listening to the rest as I kept running, further and further away. I didn't stop until I reached the lake behind the castle – the only place where I could go to when I was sad. _

_The blue water glistened in the sun, sparkling like the stars in the night sky. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry my lungs out. I wanted to dig a hole and disappear. Angrily, I kicked a pebble into the water body. _

'_Plop…'_

_Ripples were created, destroying the calm façade the lake once had before._

_My kingdom, I realized, was as fragile as the surface of the lake. So easily disturbed, so easily distorted. I sat there for what seemed like hours, until my eye lids grew heavy and I drifted off to sleep…_

… … … … … … … … …

A/N: I published this unfinished story quite some time ago. It was left uncompleted and I felt it was a waste. So, I decided to re-write this fanfiction. Hope you people would enjoy! (:

Please send in reviews~


	2. Episode 1

DISCLAIMER! I do not own KHR.

Chapter One: KHR

I was once a princess, now an "adopted" child of a principal of a school – A martial Arts Boarding school.

Or also known as the school for the troubled and the unwanted.

Or also known as KHR.

Honestly, I don't really know much about my "adopted" father. All I know was that his name is Reborn. Strange name, indeed, not that it bothered me much. All I need is food and a roof over my head – the rests are unnecessary.

Bright rays of sunlight shine into my medium-small sized dorm. I grumble and roll around my bed, not wanting to leave the warmth that it had provided me last night. I squint at my roommate, who is already dressed and is wearing her socks, getting ready to leave the room. I grumble some more before willing myself to swing a leg out of the bed. Then, the other.

"Get up, you lazy bum," Nat says without looking at my direction. She is too familiar to this morning routine of mine.

I reply with a 'no', but it comes out slurred instead.

"Yeah, whateva, Lynn. Even though your father is the principal, you still can't get away with the zero on your report card if you missed the art exam today." She pauses for a while. "Hmm… It is starting in 30 minutes."

My eyes swing open instantly.

Art. The art exam.

_The _Art exam.

This is the moment of my life as an art student. Nothing can describe the feeling of pride swelling up inside you when a buyer stops behind you and observe your beautiful strokes of art. Okay, let me backtrack a little. Over here in KHR, the art exams are actually an arts exhibition where students do their master pieces while _RICH _people walk around and buy art works. The higher the amount the buyer offers, the higher your grades are.

Honestly, this is the only time where I get to shine. I'm not an arrogant person and I hate to boast, but art is the only thing I take pride in.

_With the exception of having royal blood flowing in my veins._

I shake that thought out of my head. After my fiancé's family was brutally murdered, my father sent me to the other side of the world. He had promised me that he would contact me after everything has settled down. But apparently, he had already forgotten me.

_Poor me. _I think to myself as I rush down the stairs to the exam galleria. All of my anger towards the past has changed into self-pity by the time I reach the exam galleria. Immediately, I noticed Nat sitting in front of a large canvas by the window. Likewise, I took my spot, carefully choosing it somewhere opposite her.

We are like sisters out of the classroom, but when it comes to art, we are enemies. Not that I mind, anyway. It is always good to have some type of competition in a way or another. Right after I have finished arranging the materials in the way I like, the examiners arrive. All eyes focus on them.

The atmosphere in the room is tense, to the point where I feel as if the one next to me can hear my heart pounding in my chest. Muscles tense and relax, jaws clench and released. Silence engulfs the galleria.

The examiner in the middle clears his throat before speaking. "This year's theme is…," he pauses, as if waiting for a drum to roll in the background, "_sentimental_. Without further ado, let the 98th Annual Art Exhibition begin!"

With that, the examiners exit the room, leaving the students to work.

I stare at my canvas, thinking about something that is sentimental. Obviously the first thing that comes to mind is my life as a princess. My hand reaches out for my necklace subconsciously. Closing my eyes, I roll the pendant between my fingers, thinking about my past.

I snap my eyes open.

And my hands start to move swiftly and furiously.

2 hours have past and a number of buyers have stopped to look at my work. It is going smoothly and a couple has already placed a bid on my work. Honestly, this has yet to be my best so far. There is a warmth feeling to this piece, yet it has a tinge of sadness to it. A delicate balance.

We are given 5 hours to work on this, with a half an hour break to eat or to visit the loo. However, we can also use this time to continue working – an extra 30 minutes to our allowed time. Normally, I could spare a few minutes grabbing a bite, but this time, I couldn't.

Truthfully, this piece of art stirs and churns the emotions inside my heart and soul. It causes me to mourn and grief over the loss that I had suffered, but it also causes me to feel the nostalgic sense of warmth that engulfs me when I am feeling blue.

There is a really delicate balance to it, indeed.

The timer screams. All the artists stop moving and the buyers – or _sponsors_ – walk around the galleria, placing bids on pieces that they like.

Most of the time, 50% of the bid is given to you to spend and the remaining lump of money is used to pay any outstanding bills you owe and the rest is given to the school budget. Really, it is not a bad way to keep the school funded.

The last call – my master piece is sold for a price of 10 thousand dollars.

Whoopee, it is just another $5,000 to be added to my bank account that I never use.

And will probably never _ever _use.

I shake hands with my _sponsor _and left the room silently, heading towards the hill that overlooks the campus. It was the closest thing I can find here to the garden in the picture – the garden of my past. Nonetheless, the breeze caresses my skin and the tranquility of the hill gave me comfort. But it cannot replace the scene in my heart.

_And it never will. _

I sit on the peak of the hill, hugging my thighs and resting my chin on my knees. I stare at nowhere in particular, because there is nothing interesting to begin with. Not with this lifestyle, not with this school, not with the present me.

I am about to fall asleep in the sun when I hear the grass rustle behind me. The noise creeps closer and closer to me, and then it stops. Without moving my head, my eyes look at the shadow beside me.

It is someone with a HUGE head and a thin body.

Fran.

I sigh inwardly, regretting about me telling him that his illusion looks fake on the spur of the moment. It wasn't my fault at that time, he was blocking my path. This causes him to bother me, asking me questions that are too painful for me to answer. And I can't answer him without telling him my past. Princes and Princesses are just part of a fairytale here. Nobody believes in the other side of the world.

I can feel his gaze prickling on my back.

I hate this uncomfortable silence: It ruins the delicate balance.

"What are you doing here? Don't you know the tournament is starting?" I say, finally, breaking this unnerving atmosphere between us.

"You never seem to be there," he replied, using the monotonous voice of his.

"There is no reason as to why I should be there in the first place."

That is true. I dislike fights. It reminds me of the blood that has been shed during times of war between and within Kingdoms. And also it is mainly because I hate crowds – screaming crowds, supporting their favourite fighters.

_FIGHTERS._

I try to avoid them at all cost, but it is difficult. After all, this IS a fighting school. At least half of the school's population is fighters. There are some cliques that are famous and they are people you should beware of.

Cliques such as the Varia.

Nat told me once that they are a bunch of insane people – Squalo, Fran, Lussuria, Levi.

_Especially Xanxus and Belphegor._

At the background, I hear Fran talking about something. However, in my mind, something about the fighter named Belphegor keeps bugging me.

I stand up abruptly.

"… So, are you going to watch the tournament?"

I keep my gaze at the horizon, not wanting to look at any fighter in the eye.

"Sorry, you should go to the arena now." I reply with my voice clear from any emotions.

At the corner of my eye, I watch the head of the shadow nod and then slowly pace away.

I let out my breath that I am holding.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

An hour later, I find myself at the entrance to the arena.

_45 minutes ago, the tournament started. _

I hesitate before entering. The battle between Fran and someone else is about to start. Both participants shake hands and the bell rings.

Immediately, both leap backwards, putting some distance between them. Fran's opponent makes the first move. Cracks start to form on the ground and then, the ground split into several small pieces. The audiences scream.

Fran counter attacks. Hot molten lava starts to flow out of the cracks that his opponent has made. Blurry black bubbles start to appear, it's as if there are something swimming in the magma. Vines grow out of nowhere, attacking Fran as he skillfully avoids them. Suddenly, Fran loses his balance and the vines catch him, holding him by his wrists and ankles.

The audiences go berserk.

Of course, I know better.

The split moment when the opponent let his guard down, some things leap out of the magma and pin the opponent on the ground.

_TOADS._

The opponent's eyes turn to the vines. But the greens are on the floor, lying in a heap.

Fran disappeared.

Murmurs can be heard from the audiences. Then, silence follows.

The frog boy materializes from thin air, his face emotionless. In contrast, his opponent's face is twisted with fear.

I can see why.

Hundreds, or maybe thousands, of small blades hover in the air above the struggling person on the ground, threatening to cut him into unrecognizable pieces. I close my eyes, waiting for the crowd to cheer when Fran has made the finishing move.

But I hear the bell ding instead.

Slowly, I open my eyes. All of the illusions from the battle are gone.

Fran is crowned as winner. Silently, I smile to myself. If this is compared to the illusions made in my Kingdom, it would be a kids' battle. The bell shrieks again, signaling the start of the next battle.

_Belphegor's battle._

I notice that the number of audience is growing rapidly. And I leave the place due to the discomfort of standing in crowded places. One battle is more than enough excitement for the day.

_Little did I know that a pair of eyes is watching me._

I can still hear the screams of the fan girls even after leaving the area.

_Is Belphegor really THAT popular? _I ask myself.

_Yeah. Maybe he is famous for shredding his opponents to bits. _

I shudder at the thought of it. There are absolutely no rules for the tournament. You either kill to survive, or get killed. From what I know, only the battles of the illusionists have rules. The rule is simple – you have 5 minutes to terrify and trap your opponent using illusions. However, many people keep forgetting that illusions are just a figment of their own imagination.

However, the others have to fight to death, or at least until they 'give up' or they faint. These battles can sometimes last for hours or sometimes just a few minutes, depending on the participants.

Oh, right. The tournaments are not individuals versus individuals, but instead it is cliques versus cliques. According to the results from last year, the only the Vongola is able to defeat the Varia.

But all of these don't matter to me, because I have nothing got to do with it.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Please submit a review and tell me what you think about it!


	3. Episode 2

DISCLAIMER! I do not own KHR

Chapter Two: The Encounter

I push the heavy glass door and the sight soothes me. Rows and columns of shelves, filled with written knowledge, welcome me. The library is unusually empty. Well, that is expected, because the highlight of the exams is the tournament.

_The _tournament.

The librarian flashes a toothless smile at me, happy to see at least someone more interested in her books than the fights. I wave at her in return and immediately lose myself to the world of books surrounding me.

I settle myself at a corner of the library, the corner that is usually overlooked. It is just exactly what I want. I try to blend into the normals here, but unfortunately, this school is nothing close to being normal. My blond hair is just too striking against the dark coloured hair here. That's why I have to resort in isolating myself in the empty library.

That explains why I am here.

_Not that I mind, anyway._

I read _The Hunger Games _until the dinner bell rings. I sigh and reluctantly leave the library, after checking the book out. Although I am famishing, I walk slowly, avoiding the dinner crowd.

"Lynn! Lynn!"

I turn around to my best friend's voice. Nat let out a grin.

"Avoiding the crowd again?" she asks, her grin stays on her face.

I nod and tighten my clutch on the book. I gaze straight ahead as she blabbers about the battles between Varia and some other clique.

"You know, it was so cool! You should TOTALLY see the way Xanxus and Squalo fight." She says, clearly thrilled by the battles earlier on. Her hands swing around, as if mimicking their moves.

I absent-mindedly nod to everything she says. My hand is still gripping tightly to the book.

Out of the blue, her hand moves with a force that knocks my book out of my iron grip. Upwards, the book flies, until it hits a person with a large head gear on the head.

"Ouch," the boy 'cried', though his monotonous voice makes it hard to believe that the book really hurt him.

I mumble an apology, my head bow low. Heat rises from my neck to the top of my forehead. I lift my gaze to see the identity of the person, but immediately look away. The way our eyes meet makes me uncomfortable.

_It really disturbs me – making eye contacts are not my strong area._

Whenever eye contacts are being made, it feels as if the other person is able to read my thoughts, my inner feelings, and my soul. After all, eyes are the windows to our souls, right? Surely, someone will be able see right through me. That's why one of my eyes is covered my bangs. It reduces the risk by half.

_Or at least it makes me feel that way._

"Ushishishi, you call that an apology?" the person beside Fran snickers.

I look up and open my mouth to retort, but something makes me stop. This person…

_This person does not have any windows to his soul._

_He has sealed them up. _

Why?

His big fat grin on his face stays plastered on his face, unwavering. "What's wrong? The cat got your tongue?"

I try to speak, but no voice comes out. Therefore, I quickly pick up my book on the floor and pull my 'lovey-filled-eyes' friend away. I did not look back.

And I never want to look back.

"W-What are you doing back there!? The guys from Varia are talking to you! H-How could you just leave like that?" Nat is on the verge of yelling at me. "Don't you know what this means?"

I keep quiet, not trusting myself to say anything.

She takes my silence as a no. "It means death! It's like painting a big fat red X on your face! And besides, how can you just ignore those hot guys like that?" She rambles on and on about something, but I am not listening.

What am I suppose to tell her? Do I tell her that that guy has no windows to his soul? Besides, every nerves and instinct that I have tells me to grab everything and run. And that's basically what I did.

However, something in my head keeps on nagging about that guy. What is his name again? Right, Belphegor. I don't know why my mind keeps comparing the Belphegor in my past and this Belphegor. Well, both have blond hair and smiles like that. However, the Prince Belphegor has disappeared without a trace eight years ago.

Gone.

_Probably DEAD._

Also, what are the chances of us meeting in a place like this? Well, my answer is close to zero. However, something continues to tell me that I am missing something, something important like–

"Hey! Are you listening to me!? Lynn!"

My head jerk to her direction. "Hmm?"

"Gahhh!" she let out a frustrated cry. "Nevermind! Just forget everything I said!"

"Okay." I say blandly.

She stares at me in surprise. "That's it? After all the things I said to you and you just replied 'okay'? How could you be so mean to me…?" Without warning, she starts to sob.

_What on earth did she say just now?_

"Ahh… okay, okay. I am sorry, I will apologize to them if I ever see them, okay?"

As if it is magic, she stops sobbing. "Really? And when you guys are friends, you will introduce me to them, won't you? And then, I will ask Xanxus…" She trails off, entering her world of fantasies.

As for me, I stopped fantasizing. Because when you fantasize, your hopes go up, and when things don't go the way you wish it to be, you will be disappointed. This is why I hardly fantasize.

But books are of a different case, though.

Before I know anything, I am already in the dining hall, with a tray of food. We sit at our usual spot in the corner – just another way for me to camouflage in the background. I am half-way through my salad when I notice a crowd at the other end of the dining hall. I immediately turn my gaze back to my plate.

Nat, sensing my abnormal behavior, watches the crowd and a smile spread across her face. She turns to me expectantly. I quietly push the peas around the white porcelain plate, avoiding her look at me. Slowly and surely, I feel her smile turn into a frown, her finger tapping more rapidly on the table.

"Aren't you-"

"Fine! I will do it! Just… Just stop looking at me like that…" I interrupt loudly. Then, with a softer voice, I add, "L-Let's just wait for them to come closer and when the crowd disappears, okay?"

Her facial expression softens, knowing that I dislike the squeezing and pushing in crowds. "Kay, but you'd better do it 'cause I'm watching!"

I think Belphegor has some kind of super sharp ears, because he looks at the empty table next to us and beckons the rest of his clique to follow him. That smile of his is unchanging.

_Do I REALLY have to do it..?_

My stomach grows heavy, as if the meal I have eaten is made of lead. I can hear their footsteps, their voices, and it is making me feel like throwing up.

_But what have I done that makes me feel this way?_

_Nothing._

I have nothing to be afraid of, right? Well, maybe I might have offended some unstable people. But other than that, I am completely innocent, right?

Right.

I have nothing to fear. My conscience is clear.

This lightens my mood, but not for long. Nat's gaze on me is still as prickling as ever, not to mention I feel pressured by their existence at the table beside me.

_Do I REALLY have to do it?_

"VOOI! WHAT IS THIS, BELPHEGOR!? THERE ARE ONLY 4 SEATS HERE! CAN'T YOU SEE THERE ARE 6 OF US HERE!?"

Does that person really want the WHOLE world to know that? Why must he YELL so loudly?

Subconsciously, I rub my left ear gingerly. I thought I will go deaf any minute. Nat's piercing gaze is still on me.

"Ushishishi. That is not my problem. You can sit somewhere else, Squalo."

"YOU PUNK!"

As if to add to my discomfort, they start to draw out their weapons. Nat is still boring holes into my skull.

I stand up abruptly and everyone looks at me, astonish by my sudden movement.

"Y-you can take our seats!" I burst out. Then, my face turns red, realizing that I had created an awkward atmosphere around me. "T-That is i-if you want to. We are d-done, anyways." I quickly add, still ignoring Nat's stares.

"Oh~ What a sweet girl! Thank you, cutie pie~" the guy with a Mohawk coos. A chill send down my spine. A person with his looks… shouldn't be saying such things with this tone, right?

"Lynn! I am not–" Nat snaps, exasperatedly.

"You… you are welcome." I butt in. Nat starts to fume, but I quickly snatch my tray and walk briskly away.

"_Ushishishi…"_

… … … … …

"What is wrong with you!?" Nat shrieks into my ear. "That was SUCH a nice opportunity for you to apologize for being rude to Belphegor and Fran, but you chose to throw it away. Did I mention that it was such a waste? If I were you I would…"

She continues to grumble and nag at the same time. And as usual, I am not listening.

"Everything will be fine… They can't do anything to me, right? They will have to deal with my father if they lay a finger on me." I say, reassuring her.

_Or maybe I am comforting myself._

To tell you the truth, I can't really back myself up with that statement. Did I tell you that I barely know my foster father? Right. The last conversation we had was more than one year ago. And it wasn't anything personal; it was to introduce a new girl to me.

_That girl is Nat._

Honestly, I don't know how we became best friends. We are exactly opposite to one another in terms of personality. But I guess things happen and circumstances change. That's how we end up like…

_Like the way we are now. _

"Anyways, don't you worry about me. I can handle it myself." I say, sounding more confident than I actually am. However, Nat did not acknowledge my declaration, her eyes focus on something behind me. Slowly and dramatically, I trace her gaze.

I gasp.

"Ushishishi. May I know _exactly _how you are going to handle it?" his unchanging smile transfixes me. To me, that is more of a statement than a question.

I stare at his nose. It seems a little wrong, but my tutor in the Kingdom taught me that if I do that, it will seem as if I am making eye contact with that person.

Mustering all of my courage, I tell him defiantly, "If I let you into my plan, then you won't be surprise when the time comes, will you?"

His grin grows wider. He sniggers, "Ushishishi. It had better to be something worth waiting for. If not…" He licks his lips. I feel the hair on my neck standing. Only one word crosses my mind.

_Insanity._

Despite the threat, I give him one of my charming smiles, "Of course." Slowly, I take a step back. Then another. Our smiles are plastered on our faces, each unwilling to back down. I know I will not be able to win him. Hence, I give him a small and slight bow, "I have to go now. Good night."

I exit the scene as swift as I can without looking like a frightened prey to that psychopath.

Even after I entered the room, my heart is still pounding hard and fast from the previous interaction. How is it that a sick person, such as Belphegor, can terrify a pure maiden like me? Okay. I might not be a _PURE _maiden, but at least something close to it, right?

_Right._

I have nothing to be afraid of, because there is nothing to be scared of in the first place.

_Or at least I hope that this is the case._

… … … … …

Please review and tell me what you think about it!


	4. Episode 3

DISCLAIMER! I do not own KHR and The Hunger Games.

Chapter Three: Books

All I need now is to snuggle onto my bed and read. After all those scary and weird encounters today, a good night's time alone with a book seems like heaven. That's the keyword for the night – or evening for that matter.

_READ._

I smile happily as I climb onto the bed, my hand reach out to my bedside table. But nothing is there. The book is…

_GONE._

Waves of panic wash over me. Quickly, I scramble out of the soft mattress and start searching frantically for the book with black covers.

Where is it? It is not on the bedside table. Not on the study table, not on the bed, not… not ANYWHERE! I roughly scratch my head, thinking deeply. Where can it possibly be? Okay. Calm down. I borrowed the book from the library. Then it is still with me when I encounter Nat. I still have it after the incident with the insane people. It is with me in the dining hall…

_THE DINING HALL!_

Just great. Now I have to face those psychopaths again. Argh! I don't want to, b-but my book is being held as hostage…

I pace back and forth in my room. How can I possibly retrieve my book without any trouble? Could I just ninja into their dorms and steal the book? No. That will just cause suspicion and chaos. Then maybe I can just ask them politely. But how? What if the book is not with them? What if I had dropped it somewhere else?

Nat!

Surely she will notice where I had misplaced my book, right? Right. However, where can I possibly find Lynn now? For all I know, she can be anywhere on the school grounds. She can be watching the sunset on the rooftop or in the fields, or she can be following –or _stalking _– the Varia. God knows where she is.

"… _here? Did… see me?"_

My ears immediately twitch towards the door. I smile.

Oh, God bless that wonderful friend of mine, coming to me in times of need. But who is she talking to? Is it Kyoko and Haru?

_Kyoko and Haru?_

This just gets better. Maybe they might have seen the book somewhere I have not thought about. Hooray for me.

I fly to the door, opening it with a huge smile on my face. As expected, Nat is there, in front of me. She looks at me in surprise, and then opens her mouth to speak. But I cut into her speech, not wanting to get off the topic.

"Nat! Oh, you are really my best friend!" I cry out, joyfully. "Not to mention Kyoko and Haru-" I spin my head to look at them, but I am taken aback. They are not Kyoko and Haru.

Instead, they are that Mohawk guy, Fran, and the windowless soul.

_Belphegor._

"Ara~ We were just looking for you, cutie, and here you are~! You left your-" Sunglasses starts to speak, but Windowless Soul interrupts him.

"Ushishishi. Getting ready to sleep already?"

It takes a while for me to comprehend his speech. Quickly, I glance down at my attire – a pink silk night gown that cuts off at my knees. My face turns red, noticing that this is the first time I showed so much bare skin to people of the other gender. I become wary about my exposed skin all of a sudden.

"W-Well, that's none of your business, right? And what are you doing here, anyway? Don't you know that you are not allowed on the top floor?" I retort, secretly feeling proud for pushing the blame onto them.

"Ushishishi. Yeah, but who is going to report us to the authorities?"

I stop for a moment to think. Well, he is right about that. Their popularity among the girls is really high, even higher than the Vongola's I suppose. For these hormones-filled males to come to the female dorm is like God coming down to earth – something to be considered as a once in a lifetime kind of thing. I highly doubt anyone else will want to report them to the authorities.

_Except me._

But if I tell the authorities about this, the other girls will know it somehow. Then, all my efforts on being part of the background will disappear.

_I can't do it._

"F-fine. What are you three here for?" I question them.

"This." Fran holds up a black-covered book.

My eyes grow wide. How did they get their hands on the book? Did they do anything to it? They must have. If not, why will they even bother to return it to me? Not to mention they came here _personally. _Something is amiss.

_They are up to something._

I mutter a word of thanks and make a quick swipe at the book Fran is holding. But Fran is faster. He makes a quick pass to Sunglasses, but Sunglasses looks a little confuse.

"Why did you do that? I thought we are here to return this book to this sweetie here, who gave up her seat for us?" He pauses for a second. He must have realizes something, because his tone changes to a much stricter one. "Now, boys, you shouldn't bully this lovely girl here, okay?"

I stare at Sunglasses in surprise. Is he serious? Just what is wrong with his choice of words…?

Nonetheless, I still smile sweetly at him when he holds out the book for me.

"Thanks." I say, before reaching out for the book in his hands. But someone, again, snatch it before me.

"Ushishishi. You're very welcome."

My mouth gape open. How is this possible? I try to grab the book back, but he held it up high, above his head where someone like me cannot reach it. Being short certainly doesn't have any advantages.

"Hey!" I yell, angry at myself for misplacing the book in the first place. Then I remember there is someone else taller than me, maybe taller than Windowless Soul himself.

"Nat!" I shriek and she snaps out of her daze. "Don't just stand there, do something!"

However, she just stares blankly at me, as if she does not know what is going on here. I feel a stab of betrayal. How can she do this to me, when I called her my 'best friend' just minutes ago? Of course, I can't just jump and try to reach it. Because, if I do such a thing…

_My dress will lift up and expose my… you know what. _

I have to save and protect whatever dignity is left. Just standing here in my night gown is embarrassing enough. But to risk exposing my panties? That will make me want to kill myself. But what should I do? Or rather, what _can _I do?

If I get the book, I might want to kill myself.

But if I leave the book in their hands, Gokudera will skin me alive for sure. Oh, right. Did I mention that Gokudera is the old librarian's Grandson? Well, at least now you know.

And at least I know that I will die either way.

Now, the question is which way is the least painful? I don't know.

_And I don't want to know._

Maybe I should just apologise for whatever they want me to be sorry for. And then, BAM! My perfect evening might not be totally wrecked, after all. Okay. I will do it this way. And besides, _why _haven't I thought about this method? It will save me from all this interactions with these people.

_These fighters._

_These Psychopaths._

"Ushishishi, what's wrong now? Ready to give up?" He smiles sinisterly at me. I make a mental note to myself that one day, if I have the chance and the guts to do it, I will definitely wipe that sick grin of his off his face for a day.

Anyway, I muster all of my acting skills and make a guilty-looking face. I bow my head and fiddle with my fingers. "I am sorry for all of the inconvenience I have caused."

No one says anything, not even Windowless Soul.

I take this silence as a cue to continue with my speech. "I apologized, so can I have my book back, please?" I give him one of my puppy eyes look.

_Only Sunglasses falls for it._

This is NOT what I had predicted. Why isn't he giving my book back? Why is his grin getting wider? I seriously want to hide in a corner now. Do I really have to jump and try grabbing the book from his hands? Do I?

"Ushishishi. Is this all you can think of?" He mocks. "Sorry, game over."

My eyes widen as a knife just appears from nowhere. Sure, he wouldn't do such a thing, right!? Gokudera will DEFINITELY skin me alive for this damage on the book…

My mind blank out and my hand acts on its own, across Belphegor's face it goes.

_SLAP._

Everything in that moment seems to be moving in slow-motion. I see everyone's shocked reactions, but _his _grin stays the same as before. Does he really find this whole episode amusing? I certainly do not. Before anyone can recover from my astonishing action, I quickly grab the book from Belphegor's hand and I grab Nat's wrist, pulling them into the safety of our room.

… … … … … … … … … … …

Even after several seconds, my hands are still shaking. I did not really slap him, right? Right. But why are my hands shaking if I did not do it? No. It must be my imagination.

_Right._

As soon as Nat comes to her senses, she shriek, "W-what did you just do!? You know they are the Varia, right? Oh. My. God! W-what if they tell their leader, Xanxus? Who knows what they will do to you, Lynn… What if Xanxus knows that I'm staying in the same dorm as you? Then… Then…"

I remain silent. The scene from just now is still fresh in my mind and it is as if someone had set it on replay. Tears sting my eyes, threatening to roll down my cheeks. I don't understand why, but something about this event keeps reminding me about an encounter I had when I was a princess.

Nat must have seen my tears, because she stops yelling. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted and shouted at you like that…"

I shake my head and roughly wipe the tears away, but more liquid just quickly refill the empty spots. "I…" my throat is dry, but I still continue, "I have done something terrible like this to someone else before. And I told myself that that would be the first and the last time, but apparently, it happened again."

They roll down my cheeks and drip onto my laps. Nat waits for me to continue.

And I did, "I didn't mean for it to occur… It just happens! I-I am really sorry if this spoils your chance to be with Xanxus. I am sorry to drag you into this, Nat…"

"I-It's okay, Lynn, don't feel bad. As if I had a shot at him to begin with…" Even though Nat says this, I am pretty sure she is still upset.

I feel terrible and I can't stop the tears. The incident with Prince Belphegor from the past just keeps haunting me now. Why do I keep recalling things about Prince Belphegor whenever I encounter Windowless Soul? They are two different people.

One dead, and the other alive.

"Do you want to talk about it? It will make you feel better…" She asks, genuinely comforting me.

But I shake my head. I just can't tell her anything about my past, because it will result in telling her about my life as a Princess, which I bet you that she won't believe it. As I have mentioned before, Princes and Princesses are just part of a fairytale here.

Besides, I don't want to talk about the already dead. I find it a little disrespectful to them. If a person just keeps talking about it, how can the dead Rest in Peace? Right?

But still, I should just apologize to Belphegor and hope for the best.

_After all, those people are unpredictable._

… … … … … … …

Please review and tell me what you think about it!


	5. Episode 4

DISCLAIMER! I do not own KHR

Chapter Four: The Beginning

I stir in my sleep and rolled to my side, not wanting to wake up. However, something grabs my shoulder and pushes me back onto my back. I frown with my eyes still shut. Once again, I roll to lie on my shoulder, and once again, some force pushes me back onto my back. Grumpily, my eyes fly open and I see his face.

_Belphegor's face. _

I open my mouth to scream and my fist fly upwards to punch him. Maybe I am still sleepy or maybe his reaction is just too quick. Anyway, he evades my attack effortlessly and takes hold of my thin wrist.

My mind starts to work quickly. Why on Earth is he here, in my bedroom, watching me sleep? I did tell myself that I will apologize to him when I next see him, but this early in the morning? And besides, how would he know if I am going to say sorry to him?

_He IS a psychopath._

Anyone would be a psychopath if they sneak into someone else's room just to stare at someone else's sleeping face. Then, something strikes me. I am lying down on the bed, armed with only a blanket and a thin night gown. He, on the other hand, is on top of me, fully clothed and is probably armed with his weapon or whatever he uses to fight.

Not to mention our position now is VERY misleading.

Should I push him away? Or should I remain in this position? What will happen if I push him away? Will he attack me? Will he draw my blood out? But I know one thing for sure.

No matter what, staying in a room with this guy is dangerous.

Then, something else hits me. "W-Where is Nat? What did you do to her?" I demand. Okay, maybe I did not demand, but it is at least something close to demanding.

"Ushishishi. You are one curious princess, aren't you?" he snickers, before moving out of my bed. Part of me felt relief.

Did he just call me a princess? Did he find out? Does he believe in the other end of the world?

_Or more importantly, how did he know about this?_

Anyhow, I decide to play along with him, pretending that I do not know anything about the other side of the world.

"What princess?" I ask as innocently, changing my position on the bed such that I am sitting upright. It makes me feel less vulnerable to that blond predator.

He chuckles, but does not answer my question. Instead, he says, "Shallow peasants like Nat is too simple to read. All I have to do is tell her that Xanxus wants to see her and off she goes. Ushishishi. I want to see the look on his face."

_This person is definitely sick._

"T-then why don't you go to where X-Xanxus is? Then you can see his expression yourself." I say, hoping that he will get the message and leave me alone.

He does get my message, but doesn't show the will to leave. One minute, he is an arm's length away from me. The next minute, his face is so close to mine that I can feel his breath on my skin. The hairs on my skin stand up straight and I felt heat rising from my neck to my cheeks.

"You really want me to leave, don't you?" he hisses into my face. "Don't forget that you owe me one."

I squirm in my seat, trying to move out of this uncomfortable position. Finally, I give up and turn my head away.

_Attempt number one – fail. _

I sigh, "Fine."

He grins and moves his face away. For the first time since I wake up, I relax a little.

"W-What do you want from me?" I hate the sound of fear in my voice. Why is this person just so unpredictable?

"Ushishishi. You asked the right question. For that, I have to reward you, Princess."

Again. This word 'princess' appears. I feel my insides shaking.

"What reward?" I wince inwardly at the pathetic voice of mine. Why can't it just be firm?

He grins, showing all of his white teeth. "Ushishishi. Change your clothes, unless you want to go out like that."

Change? Go out? Where to? It is 8 in the morning and I still want to sleep. But I highly doubt he will let me go that easily. He is one really sick psychopath, targeting on people like me, whose wish is to just blend into the crowd. Maybe that wish of mine is impossible for me.

First, my father is the principal of the school. That alone caused gossips to spread like wildfire. Then, when it finally died down, people started noticing the utmost random things about me. And now, it is Belphegor. Why can't I _ever _take a break?

I sigh, before getting up and walking to my closet. I fling open the closet doors and pick out a black sweater, a white-patterned shirt, and jeans – something simple, don't attract much attention, and don't expose a lot of skin.

_Just the way I like it to be._

"Ushishishi. What are you doing?" he demands as I step into the bathroom.

I stare at him blankly. "Going to change, of course." I state the obvious. Honestly, I badly want to add _'do you want to come too?' _But I manage to refrain myself from doing so, because you will never know when he is serious or not.

_And I would never use my body as a bet on psychos like him._

He says nothing more, which I take it as a cue for me to get changing. As soon as I step out of the bathroom, I see an upside-down smile on his face, but it is quickly replaced with his sly smile.

"Ushishishi. Is that all?" he snide.

I feel a little offended, "What do you mean by that?"

Out of the blue, a knife swiftly flies past my face and I hear a 'thud' as the knife gets stuck on the wall behind me. I swallow my saliva hard. Then, stiffly, I turn my head; following the path that weapon just took.

_There is a bag of clothes waiting for me._

I glance at him, but he seems to be absorbed in polishing his weapon. I shrug and take the bag into the bathroom. And I pocket the knife as well. He did not ask for it back, right? I could use the knife as a weapon later. Who knows? It's better to be safe than sorry, right?

Right.

Five minutes later, I stare at the mirror. This can't be happening, I think to myself. This is just exposing too much skin – a spaghetti strap shirt with long sleeves that hang loosely on my shoulders, a _really _short and black mini skirt, and a pair of white boots with black heels and laces.

Now I really want to jut dig a hole and bury myself. I can't possibly go out wearing this! It will just make me stand out like a sore thumb. Surely, he must be kidding, right?

I open the door slightly and poke my head out, hiding the rest of my body. Immediately, he turns to me, still having that grin on his face.

"I… I can't do this." I declare weakly.

Then, I notice something – my outfit is the female version of his. I don't know why, but my heart starts to thump faster than usual.

_What did I do to cause me to end up like this?_

Automatically, my hand reaches up and twirls the crown pendent on my necklace. It is just a habit when I feel anxious. He, on the other hand, seems to be enjoying my discomfort a lot.

_Where on Earth is my peaceful morning?_

I stand here, hiding behind the door with only my head sticking out, for at least a few minutes, waiting for him to say something or give more commands. Meanwhile, he continues to polish his knifes and I continue to stare at the floor.

It seems like hours to me before he speaks.

"Ushishishi. Aren't you going to let the Prince take a look at you?"

I shift my gaze to _his nose. _"What Prince?" I ask. This is the first time I heard him saying Prince.

Anyway, what is wrong with him? Playing princes and princesses now? Should I deny it? Or should I go along with him? Well, this is a _fight or flight_ situation. There are only two options and I hate that. So, I added one more.

I'm going to _follow_, then _flight_.

Windowless Soul seems to be a little offended by my question, but he recovers quickly nonetheless. "How dare you be so rude to the Prince? But it is okay, since I'm in a good mood now."

However, somehow I don't think that it is really okay. I _highly _doubt that he will just let it go. I have to think of a way to save myself from this person.

"T-Thank you Your H-H-Highness," I stutter, feeling weird by just saying those words.

He grins even wider, clearly please with my submission to him. "Ushishishi. Let's go."

_Let's go. _

Two simple words can cause me to be rooted to this spot. I don't want to go out, at least not with him and being dressed like _this_. I will die from embarrassment.

"I… Can't…" I mumble, not sure what to hope for anymore.

He cocks his head, as if he heard me saying something but not exactly sure of what I just said. Slowly, his slyest grin begins to spread across his face. And I pray to God silently.

Taking his own sweet time, he walks towards the door. Towards me. I can't move; I am paralyzed by fear and my body seems to be made of lead.

And my heart is still thumping rapidly.

Despite using all of my strength, he pushes the door open without any problems and enters the bathroom. There you go – what will you think when you see a boy and a girl alone in a bathroom? It is misleading.

_Completely misleading._

My face flushes as I feel his hot gaze on my overly exposed body. I can't do this, I tell myself. I can't just go out looking like this… I just can't…

But he seems to have a different opinion.

"Ushishishi. Come, let's go."

He grabs my wrist and drags me out of the bathroom. And me? I try to slow him down, but it is really hard since this is my first time on high heels. Sneakers and flats are still much better.

As soon as he opens the front door, he stops abruptly. I nearly trip over my own foot. Perplex, I look up and I see someone with a frog head gear.

Fran.

Fran's eyes narrow the minute he sees me and I look down. Eye contact is not my forte.

"What are you doing here?" Belphegor asks, his voice is filled with impatience and annoyance.

I can feel Fran's gaze on me even as he replies Windowless Soul, "Xanxus commands me to tell you to 'get your ass here immediately.'"

"Ushishishi. It is earlier than I thought. Fine."

He yanks my hand and walks past Froggie, pulling me along behind him. Last minute, I manage to shoot a 'Help me' look at Froggie, but he ignores it. I admit.

I am getting desperate for help.

I hear whispers as I stumble after Belphegor, my face is flushed and I feel really humiliated. I need help. If only I can hide myself… hide myself… Illusions!

_Fran!_

"Fran… help me please… Please use your illusions to conceal me…" I plead softly to Froggie, not wanting Windowless Soul to listen. Froggie is the only one I can count on now.

"Yada. You said my illusions look fake."

_What!? _

I curse myself under my breath. I should have known not to say so much. Stupid me. Stupid me.

_Attempt number two – failed._

My brain starts to work faster and harder, like a car's engine when you step hard on the gas pedal. Fine. If no one wants to help me, I will just have to depend on myself.

Tugging his hands, Belphegor stops and looks at me, just like the way I had predicted. "C-can we walk a little slower, please? I… I am not used to these heels," I ask, not forgetting my manners to this self-proclaimed Prince.

I don't find anything about the appeal I just made amusing, but it must have been in his eyes, because he sniggers, "Ushishishi. Alright, since the Princess says so."

His pace slows down a little, but it is more than enough for me to stop tripping over my own feet and walk properly.

Hah! I _can _help myself in spite of everything. I smile at myself, secretly feeling proud. All I have to do now is to follow whatever Windowless soul wants, and then, when the time comes, I will make my grand escape.

And besides, Belphegor may not be as hard-hearted as I think he is after all.

… … … … … … …

Please review and tell me what you think about this chapter!


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